I have pretended to get emergency phone calls while on bad dates, but no one has ever asked to follow me to the hospital. Choose your exit strategy for failed romance wisely, people.

This blurb from a police blotter will make some people say, “Oh no, she was scared of a man and on a hike alone with him and this is a sad story,” but I am going to imagine it as just an awkward bailout that snowballed into her getting helicoptered off an Amherst mountainside, like something out of a Katherine Heigl movie.

If you can’t picture it that way, that’s understandable. Luckily, people started sharing other ridiculous crime blotter tidbits with Chee that you can giggle over with a clear conscience.

Someone threw an entire burrito away?! This world is sick and sad

How big was that burrito? I'm having chicken tacos.

If you can’t picture it that way, that’s understandable. Luckily, people started sharing other ridiculous crime blotter tidbits with Chee that you can giggle over with a clear conscience.

That is a big burrito!